What Would The Republicans Do

A recent poll has my ticket’s favorability ratings way down, even as my opponent has become more popular than any first-term presidential candidate in 28 years. How can I turn it around even as my VP candidate is less popular than Dan Quayle?

Stay the course and leave people’s feelings to liberal whiners and elite media.  True leadership demands public servants who tell people what’s best for them.

(here)

I would like to host my own TV show, but don’t know how to break into the industry. What should I do?

Run for Vice-President:

Ronald Reagan began his political career as a movie star. It’s not unimaginable that Ms. Palin, who once worked as a television sports reporter, could someday follow Reagan’s path in reverse and cash in her political renown to become a show-business celebrity. One thing everybody can agree on is that Gov. Sarah Palin is qualified — to someday host her own television show.

Dear Republicans, I am being womped in an upcoming presidential campaign, and I’m getting a lot of advice from a guy who spread false vicious rumors via robocall in 2000 that killed my chances. What should I do?

Hire him.

Dear Republicans, a prominent Republican military general has just endorsed the other guy for President. What should I do?

Only someone of alarming inexperience needs advisors.  Take a page from Tucker Bounds:

Only an unproven and inexperienced politician like Barack Obama would have to rely so heavily on another man’s resume in making the case for his own candidacy—and it shows he’s not ready.